The Apple Product Cycle ;)
Passend zur Hysterie rund um die bevorstehende Macworld Expo möchte ich auf den «Apple Product Cycle» von Dan Smith hinweisen. Dan beschreibt satirisch-amüsant den Weg von neuen Appe-Produkten vom ersten Gerücht über die offizielle Ankündigung von Steve Jobs («Stevenote») bis zum tatsächlichen Verkauf und den ersten Enttäuschungen. Nachfolgend einige Perlen aus dem «Apple Product Cycle» …
Eager Mac-heads fan the flames by flooding the Mac discussion forums with more groundless conjecture. Threads pop up around feature wish lists, favorite colors, and likely retail price points. In a matter of days, a third-hand, unsubstantiated rumor blossoms into a hand-held device that can do everything except find a girlfriend for a fat, smelly nerd.
On the morning of Steve Jobs’s keynote presentation, the online Apple store grinds to a halt as Mac-heads set their browsers to refresh every 15 seconds.
In the wee hours of the morning on the initial ship date, as the Mac heads lay snug in their beds or take MDMA and dance to bad music, Apple delays everybody’s ship date by four weeks.
Pointless outrage slowly turns to pointless optimism. Driven insane by the lack of instant gratification, would-be customers profess their willingness to gun down the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny if it would hasten the arrival of the FedEx delivery person.
A minor, rarely occurring flaw in the device begins to be discussed in the Apple support forums. Whiny, artistic types post lengthy diatribes about how this terrible design flaw has made the device unusable and scarred them emotionally. Electronic petitions are created demanding that Apple replace the devices for free, plus pay for counseling to help traumatized users overcome their emotional distress.
Weeks before most users are able to hold Apple’s new gadget in their hands, „What features would you like in the next version?“ discussions take place on Mac mailing lists. Mac-heads cook up droves of far-fetched, often bizarre ideas. A cursory reading makes it readily apparent why Apple executives pay no attention to their fanatical customers.